I feel un-attractive. I feel un-desirable. I feel stupid. I feel like a little girl in a crowd of 50 year olds. I feel like everything I say is pointless and like I shouldn't even talk. I honestly and truely feel like I can't relate to anyone anymore. I feel like all my thoughts in my head are in there for a reason, and that they should stay there. I'm finding that I'm afraid of everything, I get nervous too easily and I constantly want to cry. I feel like everything I care about, and everything that matters to me matters to nobody else. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone, or anything.

The worst part is, I know all of this isn't true. I know I'm not stupid, I know I'm attractive, I know I matter to people.

I just never feel that way.

Yay! Good/terrible day. I got my phone in the mail, but I was moody all day. My paddle wheel fuckin' broke in welding, and I'm pissed. Camden and I are doing a welding/blacksmithing intensive for intensive week, this is gonna be awesome. We aren't sure what our end result it. but we'll know soon.

I'm eating chocolate buttermilk cake and watching Hair Bear Bunch. I had a really boring night last night, it's really not worth going into. Tonight's gonna be MUCH better because my mom is gone for the night! We have a bunch of gouda, Easy-Mac, Doritos and Laughing Cow cheese so I'm all set. I hate this fluorescent grey weather, it's so discouraging and sleepy. I feel like I'm in Germany, Joe says that it's always like this in Germany. My phone should be here soonish. It's really cute, and I keep trying to post a picture of it, but for some reason Mindsay doesn't like/want me posting any picture. I got two cups today, one is cow print and another is a penguin wearing a hat and a scarf.

FAIRLY ODDPARENTS IS A GREAT SHOW, I GOTTA WATCH IT. GOODBYE.